ThE BaTTle haS BeGun. . . . .AgAIn!!!

So I don't know how I am feeling right now about the news I received from my dad two days ago. He pulled me aside as I was walking by and I kept walking and looked back at him to see a very serious look in his eye which you really don't see very often. He paused for a moment after a turned back around to him and then in a soft voice said we have found breast cancer again in mom. I held it together right then because I could see the despair that was on my dads face. I asked him if he was okay and he said yeah. I asked him again because I know when he is lying and he again said he was fine. I told him that I could tell he wasn't and wrapped my arms around him and held him for a few moments. When I pulled away his eyes were filled with tears and he said, Lindsey I have already broke down once in front of your mom, I need to be strong right now. We are going to fight it and we are going to beat it again just like last time.

I have feelings of anger, frustration, worry, and I am just scared. No it isn't directed towards God, nor anyone. I just have seen my mom go through this before and she was a fighter back then and was able to beat it. I don't understand why she has to go through it again and I am really worried because I don't think she is a fighter like she used to be. I am not sure how much she really wants to fight it. She doesn't know that I know this but, the other day everyone was out of the house and she had taken a bath and before she changed into her new clothes, she looked at herself in the mirror and thought, I am okay with dying at this point in my life. The problem with that is that I am not okay with her dying at this point. I really believe we will constantly be placed in front of trials that seem like giants. I also believe that at any moment you could fail because of your attitude.

This time around she has had inflammation, redness, burning (heat actually coming from the location), etc. When they find cancer like this is usually tends to be in a stage 3 or 4. When they were doing some testing they also poked at it a few times which, if you rupture a cyst that has cancer it can cause it to spread more quickly.

I have rambled on long enought about this, I hope my mom can find the fighter that I know is in her. I hope that all of you will remember my mom and my dad in your prayers. I know that they will be in mine.

TaggED

a. attached or single:   attached!

b. best friends:   jeremy and erin, and i can't leave out the girlfriends. 

c. cake or pie:  never really been a fan of pie, lets go with yellow cake and chocolate frosting.

d. day of choice:   i really don't know my answer to this one right now.

e. essential item(s):   essential items for what is my questions!?!  i am with rebecca on tweezers along with my mac, cell, camera, deodorant, toothbrush, allergy medicine, and BIRTH CONTROL (i put that one in for your rebecca).

f.  favorite color:  right now it would be orange, lots of different shades of it too.

g. gummy worms or bears:   neither unless it is cinnamon bears.

h. hometown:   highland, ut

i. indulgence:   ?

j. january or july:   july, no brainer for me

k. kids:   none yet (we are getting closer, which still means awhile)

l. life is incomplete without:   ups and downs, delicious foods, laughter, and love!

m. marriage date:   october 14, 2005

n. number of siblings:   quatro,  ryan, erin, david, and chaser

o. oranges or apples:   this could be a toss up.  the apple has to be super crisp or its a no go and the orange can't be to dry and leathery!

p. phobias or fears:   1-not overcoming my weaknesses! this is big for me because i know that i have a lot of things to work on that will make me become a better person and wife and i am also stubborn and controlling.  i have fears when jeremy is at work when i can't get a hold of him.  i worry about him.

q. quotes:   "two roads diverged in the woods, and i took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."   robert frost

r. reasons to smile:   babies, sunlight, touch, and jeremy

s. season:   tough!  the winter is amazing when it is snowing and there is a silence all around you.  the summer is perfect with its sunshine and opportunity to stay outdoors all day long.

t. tag friends:   erin (doubt she will do it), brandi, and nicole.

u. unknown fact about me:   i have a fish named sam and i think the reason i have put off having kids is because i know how my parents were growing up and i don't want to be anything like them.  i also work with troubled teens and see how messed up they are because of their own parents.  its scary for me.

v. very favorite story:   jeremy and i going on our honeymoon to mexico and getting stuck in a hurricane.  yes, i clogged our toilet and i had to poop so i went into the ocean to do it.  the next thing i know it is floating next to me and jeremy is looking away in disgust!  (i know he was proud)

w. worst habit:   not one i can really control but if you wake me up and i am really not up, watch out.  i am a BEEZEE!

x. x-ray, ultrasound, or mammogram:   mammogram.  my mom had breast cancer and your chances increase when it is in the family.

y. your favorite food:   jeremys pasta that he makes!  it is to die for!

z. zodiac:   taurus

houSe frAzZle

I just want to blab about how big a pain in the BUTT (aka rear end) it is to sell a house.  I think it is the most high anxiety driven stressful situation I have ever had to deal with.  Really.  We are under contract and just got the appraisal back which is $2,000 under, yeah I said UNDER, what it appraised for when we bought it.  I know, I know, wrong time to sell, but it is the right time for us to move so what do you do?  If we get stuck in this house I will not complain at all.  It is a great house, I am just ready to be away from BYU, living on a not so busy street, and somewhere I feel like I can invest my time and settle down with muffins in the ovens.  I mean oven, we are not polygamist. Anyway, everyone pray for us that it will come through and work out.  I will pray to the real estate gods!

Cheers

As WeLL AS mY NoVAs!

So many memories, so many laughs, so many music videos.  You just can't top a night in Taryns hot tub hoping the AF guys will drive by or a night making fun of girls at movies 8 and Lindsey swooping in to kick the crap out of a girl who gave my best friend a bloody nose.  

Really, who had a child hood like ours?

Cheers to all of my Nova friends.